Tanken om Tanken

Seen it have you?

Great.

Actually, I'm here to discuss another thing. Something that keeps popping up in my mind; a question, formed into one small word.

Why?

It can't be answered, can't be shared or discussed. Not really. It can only be thought, only be said. It can never become something else. It is destined to be unanswered.

Why?

To look backwards can be hurtful; to look forwards can be frightening. You can see it, read it, in Experience. Don't you ever wonder, like you did wonder? Don't you ever want to know, like you wanted to know? Don't you ever search, like you searched? Don't you ever feel trapped in that cage of indefinition, like you felt? Don't you want to know what lies behind the curtains, like you did? Don't you ever wonder? Apparently, time has turned your mind.

Why?

Maybe it isn't so hard to understand. Yet understanding a thing isn't the same as figuring it out. There is a difference, a big difference. When you've figured something out, you've solved the equation, of course one among many. But understanding exists in grades, maybe you only understand what the equation is for, understand what it does, understand how it works or understand how to solve it...
 
(oh almost forgot. You were wrong; I was actually referring to myself.)

...Yet this doesn't make you solve it, and you could be able to solve it without having a full graded understanding or even one at all. It isn't before you have a full graded understanding and a solution, having the equation solved, you can use to the highest level.  Yet we don't, do we?

Why?

That brings us to this question again. Everything always does. but I actually think I've figured something out about myself and those abstract matters. Or not to contradict myself, I've understood something about it. Let's actually get to the heart of all this. You see it fits. It is pattern, visible pattern, maybe a coincidence, yet it fits. 

I liked her, in a pure curiosity, not in her, but in "it". What is "it"? Then why does she fit in the pattern? Simple. She was a travelling soul, searching soul, maybe for "it", but most certainly for something else than a black box, a cage of loneliness. It's is strange how I never seem to talk about her, when she made such a difference in my way of thinking, way of being. I cared about her, I felt for her.

I didn't feel for her though. She was shy, beautiful, extremely clever and cute... yet I didn't feel for her, not in that way. Someone should remember me talking about her. More than a year ago, valentines day if I'm not mistaken. She wasn't trapped in a black box, not searching a way out, just a new event in a normal life. A happy soul. 

I did feel for her, or should I say "you". Depends, really do depends. I choose to say her. She was always searching, searching... I guess she found a way, which she once believed was the solution. And I guess "me" was just a desperate attempt in between, when she lost her faith. Yet she found it again. Something says to me that she once again lost it, or maybe found her way through losing it? I don't know. Am I in between? Will I be? Probably not. I do know this: I cared for her, I felt for her.

And I do feel for you, you and your silly ways. You've seemed to be trapped in the black cage. You've seemed to be a wanderer in the dark. I care for you, I feel for you.
---
And what is the pattern? It is also simple. I guess I've always thought, that the only way to find a way out from the prison of solitude, is to find someone wandering inside. I guess that is how I saw them... how I see you. Someone wandering inside.

Am I right? You tell me...

One thing is sure... I don't seem to realize the difference between caring and loving... Maybe it is I, who is searching from something that doesn't exist, an illusion. 

Why?   

- Why "why"? Why not "who"?

- "Who"? Why?

- "Who" would be more precise than "why".

- Precise? Then "what" would maybe be more fitting than "why".

- What? "What"? Why "what"?

- Why not?

- Because like I said is "who" more precise.

- Why have you thought so much about it? Because you have, haven't you?

- Yeah.. Why?

- Well.. nothing. I just think "why" is correct.

- What? who? you? Do you think "why"? I think "who".

- Then who is "who"?

- I don't know. If I knew it wouldn't be a "why", would it?

- Aha! So it is a "why"?

- ... ...You got me there... maybe it is a "why"

- Yeah probably...
but...
...
Why?