Almost.
I know I shouldn't....
You never answer anyway... You've never answered me.
I can't help thinking of you in all this, and that I can't understand. Is this some sort of delay? a diversion?
Maybe all of that was the same as all of this. I'm desperate to have a goal, and I can't find anything else. Without these goals, I'm nothing. My world collaps.
I can't find goals in distant future..... not in the same way... I can't find real goal, that matters... of abstract things.
And I don't find them in material things either....
I find them in people... which gives me abstract feelings. I've found the middleway. Is it the peoble I want? or the feelings? I don't know... well...
Yes, I do know.
I just can't get "me" to understand. Because "I" doesn't think that way.
I've beaten jealousy a long time ago. I have. And greed.
But that doesn't mean I don't miss.. or I don't feel. Even if it's confusing.
It's not the "it" I'm after. It's the thought of "it".
And that is revolutioning...
later... I've found this....
and this quote is one of the best I've ever encountered. it's like it was taken directly from my head:
"Fantasies have to be unrealistic, because the moment, the second, that you get what you desire, you don't, you can't want it anymore. In order to continue to exist, desire must have it's objects perpetually absent. It's not the 'it' that you want, it's the fantasy of 'it'. So desire supports crazy fantasies. This is what Pascal means when he says we are only truly happy when daydreaming about future happiness, or why we say the hunt is sweeter than the kill, or be careful what you wish for, not because you get it, but because you're doomed not to want it once you do. So the lesson of Lucas is, living by wants will never make you happy. What it means to be fully human is to strive to live by ideals and ideals and not to measure your life by what you've attained in terms of your desires, but those small moments of integrity, compassion, rationality, even self-sacrifice. ...Because in the end, the only way that we can measure the signifigance of our own lives is by valuing the lives of others."
It's just brilliant.
