The Man Behind the Curtains
Seen it have you?
Great.
Actually, I'm here to discuss another thing. Something that keeps popping up in my mind; a question, formed into one small word.
Why?
It can't be answered, can't be shared or discussed. Not really. It can only be thought, only be said. It can never become something else. It is destined to be unanswered.
Why?
To look backwards can be hurtful; to look forwards can be frightening. You can see it, read it, in Experience. Don't you ever wonder, like you did wonder? Don't you ever want to know, like you wanted to know? Don't you ever search, like you searched? Don't you ever feel trapped in that cage of indefinition, like you felt? Don't you want to know what lies behind the curtains, like you did? Don't you ever wonder? Apparently, time has turned your mind.
Why?
Maybe it isn't so hard to understand. Yet understanding a thing isn't the same as figuring it out. There is a difference, a big difference. When you've figured something out, you've solved the equation, of course one among many. But understanding exists in grades, maybe you only understand what the equation is for, understand what it does, understand how it works or understand how to solve it...
(oh almost forgot. You were wrong; I was actually referring to myself.)
...Yet this doesn't make you solve it, and you could be able to solve it without having a full graded understanding or even one at all. It isn't before you have a full graded understanding and a solution, having the equation solved, you can use to the highest level. Yet we don't, do we?
Why?
That brings us to this question again. Everything always does. but I actually think I've figured something out about myself and those abstract matters. Or not to contradict myself, I've understood something about it. Let's actually get to the heart of all this. You see it fits. It is pattern, visible pattern, maybe a coincidence, yet it fits.
I liked her, in a pure curiosity, not in her, but in "it". What is "it"? Then why does she fit in the pattern? Simple. She was a travelling soul, searching soul, maybe for "it", but most certainly for something else than a black box, a cage of loneliness. It's is strange how I never seem to talk about her, when she made such a difference in my way of thinking, way of being. I cared about her, I felt for her.
I didn't feel for her though. She was shy, beautiful, extremely clever and cute... yet I didn't feel for her, not in that way. Someone should remember me talking about her. More than a year ago, valentines day if I'm not mistaken. She wasn't trapped in a black box, not searching a way out, just a new event in a normal life. A happy soul.
I did feel for her, or should I say "you". Depends, really do depends. I choose to say her. She was always searching, searching... I guess she found a way, which she once believed was the solution. And I guess "me" was just a desperate attempt in between, when she lost her faith. Yet she found it again. Something says to me that she once again lost it, or maybe found her way through losing it? I don't know. Am I in between? Will I be? Probably not. I do know this: I cared for her, I felt for her.
And I do feel for you, you and your silly ways. You've seemed to be trapped in the black cage. You've seemed to be a wanderer in the dark. I care for you, I feel for you.
---
And what is the pattern? It is also simple. I guess I've always thought, that the only way to find a way out from the prison of solitude, is to find someone wandering inside. I guess that is how I saw them... how I see you. Someone wandering inside.
Am I right? You tell me...
One thing is sure... I don't seem to realize the difference between caring and loving... Maybe it is I, who is searching from something that doesn't exist, an illusion.
Why?
- Why "why"? Why not "who"?
- "Who"? Why?
- "Who" would be more precise than "why".
- Precise? Then "what" would maybe be more fitting than "why".
- What? "What"? Why "what"?
- Why not?
- Because like I said is "who" more precise.
- Why have you thought so much about it? Because you have, haven't you?
- Yeah.. Why?
- Well.. nothing. I just think "why" is correct.
- What? who? you? Do you think "why"? I think "who".
- Then who is "who"?
- I don't know. If I knew it wouldn't be a "why", would it?
- Aha! So it is a "why"?
- ... ...You got me there... maybe it is a "why"
- Yeah probably...
but...
...
Why?
Equations..
result 1: ~ 62.6m
result 2: ~ 80.6 m
s of square: y
6x + 4y = 160
4y = 160 - 6x
y = 40 - 1.5x
h of triangle:
h² + x² = (2x)²
h² = 3x²
h = (3^0.5)*x
A of triangle:
A = (2x*(3^0.5)*x)/2
A = x²3^0.5
Sum of A of triangle and square:
triA + squA = (40 - 1.5x)² + x²(3^0.5)
triA + squA = (1600 - 120x + x²) + x²(3^0.5)
triA + squA = (3^0.5)2x² - 120x + 1600
Let's say sumA
Differentiation of sumA:
sumA´ = 4(3^0.5)x - 120
sumA´ = 0 if
4(3^0.5)x - 120 = 0
4(3^0.5)x = 120
(3^0.5)x = 30
x = 30/(3^0.5)
x = 17.320508075...
sumA has its minimum when x = 17.320508075...
3s of triangle (that'll say 6x) when sumA has its minimum:
3s = 6*17.3205058075...
3s = 103.92304845...
Answer:
The sum of the three equal sides of the triangle, when the sum of the areas of the square and the triangle is at its minimum (if the sum of the side of both the objects is 160), is almost 104 m
...
Correct answer:
ca 90 m
...
...
...
...
...*fainted*..
...equations... equations.. equations...
Yeah, equations... it's all I have right now.. fu-*cking equations.
What is this? Something's changed. There has be to a new value, a new variable... a new value of a variable. When you think you've got them all at place, something suddenly happens. This is not the result it should be. This is not how I'm supposed to feel. Not now.
Everything is like that damn equation above... a diffrent outcome every time, yet the wrong one.
Is this what I think it is? no...
no...
no?
And oh yeah, you always have to look between the bloody, freezing lines. Find that x, hiding in, behind, below and through differentiations, formulas and God knows what.
(And oh.. the formula for God is lim.h->eternity ((f(x+h)) - (f(x))/((x+h) + x))^(lim.W->eternity ((f(W+h)) - (f(W))/((W+h) + W)), where W = the universe and f(x) = the purpose of all.
You don't get it do you? And no, I'm not clever, I'm insane.
Yet, you do not even get what you don't get. I don't.
Don't ask.
Aoi, aoi ano sora
Habataitara modorenai to itte
Meshita no wa aoi aoi ano sora...
You say if you could fly, you'll never come back down.
You only have eyes for that blue, blue sky.
You've yet to learn what sadness is
and are just now grasping what pain is like.
Even the feelings I have for you
must be expressed with words.
As you awake from a dream into an unknown world,
spread your wings, and take fight!
You say if you could fly, you'll never come back down.
You only have eyes for that blue, blue sky.
You know if you can make it through, you'll find what you seek.
So keep trying to break free,
to that blue, blue sky.
to that blue, blue sky
to that blue, blue sky.
Nemo nomen meum aevo.
Ahh.. bloody hell. Bloody freezing hell.
Can't you just give me one moment to let things go....
You're in the way. Always.
Nemo permittit
Oh perquam somniare iterum cupio
postremum
et omnia simul
Nemo nomen meum aevo
Do you feel again you?
